Nationwide Boycott of Miami Marlins to Begin in 2013
MIAMI, FL -- The unofficial boycott of the Miami Marlins baseball club has become official.
A new nonprofit group, the "Get those Goddamned Marlins the Hell Outta Florida Already Super Baseball Action Committee," has announced a worldwide campaign not only to have every home game in Marlins Stadium totally empty, but every game they play on the road as well.
This is viewed as a natural extension of the regular baseball boycott that has been going on in the Marlins home city of Miami ever since their inaugural season in 1993.
Precedent for this complete boycott of a ballteam was set by the Montreal Expos during their final seasons in Olympic Stadium. Despite having a capacity of 80,000 within its tomb-like confines, the team's attendance shrank every year until the team's management struck on the idea of counting the stadium's rat population in their official tallies.
In addition, the 1979 New York Mets also experienced a near-total boycott, despite the mostly unsuccessful attempts at on-field heroics by Lee Mazzilli, the defacto team leader with a batting average of .021 and on base percentage of .019.
The Marlins management, led by Jeffrey Loria, has already announced measures to aid the efforts of the GTGMTHOFASBAC. In a press release, Loria announced he will follow the lead of the CEOs of Papa John's Pizza and Applebee's restaurants, who earlier this week pretended that the imminent implementation of Obamacare will "force them to execute up to 98% of current employees in creative and gruesome ways."
"The Miami Marlins only require one ticket taker for the entire season," read the Loria/Marlins press release. "Additionally, all concession stands will be shut down, as we have determined that a single pushcart selling hot dogs and hot dog water will be sufficient for our fan's needs. Our fan's name is Fred."
A new nonprofit group, the "Get those Goddamned Marlins the Hell Outta Florida Already Super Baseball Action Committee," has announced a worldwide campaign not only to have every home game in Marlins Stadium totally empty, but every game they play on the road as well.
This is viewed as a natural extension of the regular baseball boycott that has been going on in the Marlins home city of Miami ever since their inaugural season in 1993.
Precedent for this complete boycott of a ballteam was set by the Montreal Expos during their final seasons in Olympic Stadium. Despite having a capacity of 80,000 within its tomb-like confines, the team's attendance shrank every year until the team's management struck on the idea of counting the stadium's rat population in their official tallies.
In addition, the 1979 New York Mets also experienced a near-total boycott, despite the mostly unsuccessful attempts at on-field heroics by Lee Mazzilli, the defacto team leader with a batting average of .021 and on base percentage of .019.
The Marlins management, led by Jeffrey Loria, has already announced measures to aid the efforts of the GTGMTHOFASBAC. In a press release, Loria announced he will follow the lead of the CEOs of Papa John's Pizza and Applebee's restaurants, who earlier this week pretended that the imminent implementation of Obamacare will "force them to execute up to 98% of current employees in creative and gruesome ways."
"The Miami Marlins only require one ticket taker for the entire season," read the Loria/Marlins press release. "Additionally, all concession stands will be shut down, as we have determined that a single pushcart selling hot dogs and hot dog water will be sufficient for our fan's needs. Our fan's name is Fred."
Labels: applebees, baseball, fred, jeffrey loria, lee mazzilli, Miami Marlins, Obamacare, papa johns, satire
posted by NYSMF at 12:06 PM
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