Mets Trade All Their Good Players
SIBERIA, NEW YORK -- Proving the absolute power of social media and online punditry, the New York Mets have announced they have traded all of their good players.
"We finally bought into all the 'ya gotta trade 'em at the peak of their value' talk on the Internet," said Mets GM Sandy Alderson. "Everybody with a Twitter account that watches Major League Baseball says the best time to trade a player is when they have had a career year. We have accepted their collective wisdom and have discarded our old-fashioned thinking, which is, develop a player until they are good, keep them as long as you can, and build a team around those best players.
"So thank you, all you armchair GMs," continued Alderson as inspirational music swelled underneath. "Thank you, every talk radio freak. Thank you, you princes of fielders, you kings of queens, for your excellent advice on how to build and manage a ball club."
Reminiscent of the 1977 "Midnight Massacre" in which future Hall of Famer Tom Seaver was traded to Cincinnati for four slightly-warm minor league corpses, the following trades were completed this weekend:
"We finally bought into all the 'ya gotta trade 'em at the peak of their value' talk on the Internet," said Mets GM Sandy Alderson. "Everybody with a Twitter account that watches Major League Baseball says the best time to trade a player is when they have had a career year. We have accepted their collective wisdom and have discarded our old-fashioned thinking, which is, develop a player until they are good, keep them as long as you can, and build a team around those best players.
"So thank you, all you armchair GMs," continued Alderson as inspirational music swelled underneath. "Thank you, every talk radio freak. Thank you, you princes of fielders, you kings of queens, for your excellent advice on how to build and manage a ball club."
Reminiscent of the 1977 "Midnight Massacre" in which future Hall of Famer Tom Seaver was traded to Cincinnati for four slightly-warm minor league corpses, the following trades were completed this weekend:
- David Wright, third baseman and leader in every offensive category in Mets history, was traded to the Los Angeles Dodgers for the ghost of Wilbur Huckle, former teammate of Seaver on the Alaska Goldpanners in 1963.
- R.A. Dickey, starting pitcher and odds-on favorite for the 2012 Cy Young Award, was traded to the NY Yankees for cash considerations and bragging rights.
- Ike Davis, slugging first baseman who despite hitting .111 the first two months of 2012 recovered to lead the Mets in home runs, as well as continuing his reputation as a future Gold Glover, was traded to the Boston Red Sox for Bobby Valentine. Valentine had been fired by the Red Sox earlier this offseason, but the Mets didn't remember this until after the trade had been finalized.
Labels: david wright, R.A. dickey, satire, the onion, tom seaver
posted by NYSMF at 1:43 PM
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