Mets Anti-Bullying Campaign Poster Boys

FLUSHING, NY -- The New York Mets officially requested all the teams in the National League to stop bullying them in an official press release today.

"We're really tired of being pushed around by the big kids in Philadelphia, Atlanta, and Washington DC," whined Sandy Alderson, sporting a black eye and multiple marks on his arms from pokes, pinches, and Indian Burns. He also winced and flinched any time a microphone got too close to his nipples, indicating he may also have suffered from the dreaded Titty Twister or Purple Nurple.

Major League Baseball's disciplinary chief, Dusty Baker, appeared to be stifling multiple fits of giggles as he appeared in support of the Mets plight. "Hee hee hee," said Baker. "There is no place in baseball for bullying. Hee hee hee. Excuse me. The Mets have been working very hard at not being worst, but still, their players are showing up on the field with too many unexplained hazing marks."

Baker switched on a slide show showing real photos of the Mets players currently on the disabled list. All of them looked as if they had been crying, but were putting on their Brave Faces for the cameras. Ike Davis, their power-hitting first basemen who supposedly has been on the disabled list for a badly sprained ankle, was seen in a photo surrounded by Yankee players, whose postures indicated they were preparing to give him a massive wedgie. And Johan Santana, their pitching ace who has been on the disabled list for nearly a year with a supposed rotator cuff injury, was caught on camera being shoved around by members of the Los Angeles Dodgers, each of whom had shiny fingers indicating potential wet willies on the horizon.

Major League Baseball has officially stated they are against all incidents of bullying, hazing, etc. However, they also stressed that they also do not like a tattle-tale. The entire crowd of reporters mumbled and nodded agreement, and Alderson's face turned an extremely bright shade of red at this point.

"Unless, of course, you're tattling on Bernie Madoff," blurted out Alderson.

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