Mets-Bisons: Aliens Cause Tommy John Surgery

BUFFALO, NEW YORK, EH, May 2 -- Seventeen extraterrestrial poachers were captured and detained yesterday after they raided the locker room of the Buffalo Bisons baseball club. They were determined to be after the medial collateral ligaments of all of the pitchers on the team.

Bisons starter Jenrry Mejia was the only casualty, as the Area 51 SWAT team helicoptered in just too late to prevent the aliens from gassing the team, dumping the pitchers onto the training tables, and running the not too delicate operation on the young pitcher. Mejia's mind was immediately wiped clear of the memories of the alien and was sent home with an implanted story about tearing his ligament during a game or something.

"These buggers find the MCL give the best flavor for their Orion-style curries," said SWAT team member Alpha-Two. "They discovered it by accident when their first ship landed here in the 40s in a hospital morgue. Alien teams of foragers were out looking for protein to replenish their on-ship stocks, and thought they had simply found a meat locker."

"Dude, gross," said SWAT team member Alpha-Six. He flipped up his helmet's one-way blast shield just enough to vomit into the team's jock strap hamper, then resumed his post guarding the surviving eight extraterrestrials.

"Ballplayers have always been the top choice for ET gourmands," continued Alpha-One. "They got Mets pitcher RA Dickey years ago, and brainwashed him into thinking he had simply been born without one of those MCLs in his elbow. Cost him a million dollar signing bonus, too. What a pity."

Mejia may be looking at undergoing Tommy John surgery to repair the damage caused by the aliens. Major League Baseball is currently investigating the possibility that aliens are the root cause of all of the Mets organization's woes.

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