Mets: Reyes and Wright Sign 100-Year Extensions

CITIFIELD, NEW YORK, April 21 -- Mets shortstop Jose Reyes and third baseman David Wright made history today by signing 100-year contract extensions that would ensure they not only end their careers as Mets, but also their natural lives and beyond.

With yesterday's game marking the 800th start he and Reyes have done together, Mets GM Sandy Alderson and owner Fred Wilpon decided it was time to lock up their two franchise players for the long, long, long term.

"A-Rod's agent can suck it," said Alderson. "And so can Ryan Braun's." Braun yesterday signed a contract extension through the year 2020, 8 years beyond the 2012 deadline for the Earth according to the brilliant prediction documentary, "2012" starring Dr. John Cusack.

Reyes has been an ongoing topic of speculation due to his pending free agent status at the end of this season. "This will hopefully shut the offending pieholes of bad journalists, who shall remain nameless, who think it's a good idea to let one of the best players on a team to walk away just because they don't like him," said Wilpon. "Jose is one of the elite players in baseball, not to mention the best fielding shortstop I've seen since Rey Ordonez. Bad journalists give me hives."

Under the new deals, both Wright and Reyes will continue as on-field players for at least the next ten years. They will have a five-year option following that to continue those roles, or to transition to bench players if deemed best for the team by whomever is managing by then. Once they retire from active playing, they will automatically take positions for the next fifteen years as coaches, mentors, managers, or whatever position is found most suitable for their skills and desires. Following will be 30 years of employment in the front office, or in the scouting department, or they may take some of their accumulated salary from this 100-year deal to buy the team.

Funeral arrangements will place their graves and bodies under their respective positions on CitiField's diamond.

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